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SUNDAY EDITION!
January 17, 1999
Winners & Losers.
Stocks are up and the Darwins are out.
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Over the past ten years, stock market history has been rewritten. Just last week some new history was written. It's the streaming video of change in the last years of the nineties, and it has some people ducking and others jumping with joy and anticipation. Look at these stocks and weep if you were still nursing 9% mutual funds, and laugh if you had the courage to jump in.
So, if you invested $5,000 in Dell Computer in 1989, that
investment would be worth $2,864,100 today. And it's going to
be better even than that over the next ten years. So, think about
it. GNET, AOL, NSCP, MSFT, LU, GE, CSCO, INTC... it's up to you.  For those
of you who like to watch football and surf around. Don't forget
nfl..com. Even during the game
they have stuff that's interesting, funny, informative and worth
the click.Some of the dumbest things ever said... If you've seen one Redwood tree, you've seen them all" -- Ronald Reagan It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago. --Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle It's like an alcatraz around my neck. -- Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President. -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it. -- A congressional candidate in Texas Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial this week in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because of a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself. (Below) The Darwin Award 1999 - It's an annual honor given to the person who killed himself in the most extraordinarily stupid way during the year. The competition was stiff, but this guy emerged victorious. The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within five seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G forces usually reserved for dogfighting F- 14 jocks under full afterbumers, basically causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater three feet deep in the rock. |
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