T.G.I.M.

Yes, Thank God, It's Monday. We can get back to work and get away from the chaos, pandemonium and confusing conversations that weekends always entail. All those decisions about what to do, what to eat, where to eat, what movie to see, who gets the coffee in the morning? It's just too much. Back to work, back to order, back to a dependable chain of command, and, most of all, most reassuring, most importantly, back to an established, proven routine. Whew. Weekends are tough. Especially, weekends that offered nothing but rain, rain, rain. Back at our desks, back to work, life begins again. Thank God, it's Monday! Did you know that the new Porsche 911 Carrera can go 175 miles an hour virtually forever? In a recent test, an entire tank of gas was expended at that speed. The engine ran smooth and cool, the driver said, "We might have been driving to the supermarket." Except they would have run out of gas on the way. At that speed, 5 miles per gallon is considered very good. Oh, yes, this zippy little car goes for $75,000, which is really some groceries. Mayor Rudy Giuliani has built a $15 million siege bunker in New York City. It can hold up to 50 of his best friends, er... I mean advisors (sorry). It has state-of-the-art (since when did siege-technology become an art?) communications tech, and it has water for a week, the plans say? How much water exactly is that? City Councillors who have to pass on this weird proposal know that crime is way down, racial tensions are declining, and everything in New York City is coming up roses. So why the bunker? Hiz Honor has stated that he wants to provide an opportunity to avoid problems from those who would "take advantage of the victimization of the city." Well, there ya go; dive into the bunker, Rudy, and you are in full avoidance. But $15 million for this behemoth sort of sounds like some kind of victimization itself, if you're a taxpayer or a parent watching a child go through the schools. $15 million buys a lot of good stuff that the public schools need. Like textbooks. But, hey, call me crazy. This bunker is on the 42nd floor of an elite building just across from the World Trade Center. If Rudy's going down, it'll be with an ocean view, you can bet on that. One of the Councilmen asked if with all this preparedness and technology, "Doesn't putting that thing on the top floor of a skyscraper just beg for a missile attack, or something?" INCOMING!!! The papers refer to the bunker in the sky as "Rudy's Winter Palace." Oh, those politicians, what WILL they think of next? I want to comment on the two men (and a use that term very loosely) in Texas who tied up James Byrd, Jr., father of two daughters, two and six, and then dragged him behind their car until he was dead, and, from the reports, for some additional time even after that. I want to comment, but the racial nature of the assault (the perps are white, the victim black) is so upsetting, apart from the terrible cruelty and senseless violence, that we will just mention it and respectfully defer, hopefully, to swift justice. But, to be honest, I had hoped the human race was advancing beyond this sort of thing, but in reality our advance cannot just be gauged by our stellar achievers and superstars, it also must be gauged by the hangers-on to hate and bigotry who can't stand the light of a better day. We must also be gauged by those who crawl out from under a rock and commit unspeakable acts of random violence and then return to their nether world where progress and progressiveness is the enemy and the sins of old are held in warm, full body embraces like children hugging their Mothers, hoping to avoid that terrible first day of school. This variety of human dispair comes in many sizes and guises. These events and individuals do slow us down, but that's all. Just slow us down. But I cringe when I read that these two, too, were both fathers. I was out in the driveway today trying to emulate Jordan's falling-away field goal from the side. I tried it about twenty times and never made it once, no surprise. The ball kept going straight up. But then I remembered that he, recently did it three times just beating the shot clock by tenths of a second on the last one. So, how's he feeling on this fine Monday? 6-time MVP in the NBA. 6-time NBA Champion. Second-time three-peater Champion. In the last 15 seconds, he stole the ball from Karl Malone, drove down court and made an 18-foot jumper ... (a nothing-but-net buzzer shot) for, perhaps, the last shot of his incomparable career. What a guy! I wanted the Jazz to win (not really a basketball fan), but in the end it just couldn't have been any better than what it was. Oh, yes, you may wonder why I'm so happy this fine Monday: I have to play in a golf tournament today. I have to. Couldn't avoid it. Promise. TGIM. It has a ring that lacks credibility, doesn't it?

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