-- Presents --

Monday Edition
June 30, 1997
Today is Mike Tyson's birthday. He is 31 going on 5.
In 1936, Gone With The Wind first appeared in bookstores.
In 1971, the 26th Amendment lowered the voting age to 18.
Tomorrow we will be halfway through 1997.

The memory capacity of an ordinary human being is fabulous. We may not consider ourselves particularly adept at remembering technical data...but consider how many faces we can recognize, how many names call up some past incident, how many words we can spell and define...It is esitmated that in a lifetime, a brain can store 1,000,000,000,000,000 (a million billion) "bits" of information.

~ Isaac Asimov

This one you've got to try. It shows you the current "search requests" being processed by Metacrawler and it refreshes itself every 15 seconds. Try to keep up!

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Monday, June 30, 1997

Tyson Claims,
"It Was Just A Love Bite!"

Using the leftover notes from his rape trial, where he claimed "amorous advances" were all that were intended, Mike Tyson has claimed that he was actually showing affection for Evander Holyfield as he bit first Holyfield's left and then nearly bit off his right ear. Appearing before the cameras with his ear half chewed up, raw and bleeding, Evander stated that, "if this is his idea of affection, I'd hate to become one of his love objects." Mike went on to say that just like when he's roughhousing with his dogs, and they bite him and he bites them, he was so caught up in the playfulness and excitement of the moment that "I forgot myself." Tyson is facing disciplinary action from the world boxing organizations and his $30 million purse is being held up. In fact, he can only be docked, one tenth of the purse, but think of that. $3 million for a bite. Call me crazy, but I think Tyson is kind of wield, wild and truly an animal. That's boxing at its best.

Hong Kong Gets The Gong.

As Hong Kong moves into its new Communist phase, it represents the anti-trend of world cities, most of which are now more democratic, more capitalist and more pluralistic than ever before. As crime rates drop in all major urban centers, 4000 highly armed Chinese troops move into position through the formerly freest of all free cities. The Beijing leadership, Tiananamen trained and seasoned, have stated that the troops have all been trained, "in showing the proper respect for Hong Kong's laws and ways of life." As the last British Governor, Chris Patten, perhaps the best, most popular and productive of all the Governors, bid his city a tearful farewell, the elected parliament was being replaced by Communist appointees, unabashedly and without apology to the sovereignty of the people who elected them. This whole thing is so backwards as to appear anachronistic. It's like the world is confused and really it's going the other way. But, no; things are going from good to bad, from democratic to communistic. I really wonder what is going to happen. Can it be that a free people used to elections and a free press (very free) is going to be content with not just a little less, but with far, far less freedom and democracy? Maybe it's just me, but how would you like it?
We'll keep our free eye on it.

The Three Last Mir Guys Look Ahead To More Of The Same.

"Without training it will not be possible to do this job," stated Commander Vasily Tsibliyev. Together with Aleksandr Lazutkin and American Michael Foale, these three Mir astronauts will have to perform vital and extremely difficult repairs to a damaged and stricken space station after a collision last week with a Russian supply ship. The equipment that they will need is being prepared in Russia for a quick launch and delivery (Oh, no! Not another supply ship!) The repairman, probably the American, will have to wear a bulky space suit and wiggle and waggle his way down a long, damaged portal to enter the damaged module. Of course, he will be wearing the suit because the pressure is gone and without the suit he would instantly boil away. Jagged edges everywhere. Opps, what was that?

Mobutu Undergoes Surgery

It's not too bad for the former President of Zaire considering his other problems: colon cancer and prostrate cancer, but after a serious bout of bleeding he underwent microsurgery in Morocco where he is in exile. The doctors, who felt it was the beginning of a heart attack, said the surgery and the outcome was "really nothing unusual." Mobutu is just not going away the way he should.

Columbia To Launch Tomorrow

Despite predictions of thunderstorms, the space shuttle Columbia is scheduled to launch tomorrow afternoon. Compare our shuttles, polished and perfect, flying flawlessly (with the soul exception of the Challenger disaster) to the comedy of errors on Mir. That's a real advertisement for free enterprise and democracy, if you needed one. Did you know that a shuttle could actually land on the Moon with a few minor modifications? Why do you suppose we have just abandoned the Moon? That's where the space station should be built. Hey! I have an idea: why don't we crash land Mir on the Moon and used the parts to build a new base there? We could call it "Mir On The Moon."

Oyster Bar In Grand Central Station Is Wrecked By Fire.

Now, that is just too bad. Have you ever used it? It's like an oasis in middle of chaos. You could stop there and get a great oyster or clam on the halfshell and for just a second the mad rush of the commute or the business days was gone as the taste, texture and the enjoyment of the mollusks enraptured you. Now it's a charred black rubble. If I were coming home tonight, and had the urge, I would be quite upset. They are planning on rebuilding, but it will never be the same. I think I'll have some for lunch today...if I can find some.

Eat only fresh food today.
See you tomorrow.
11:39 A.M. (I got it up before lunch)

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